I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just want nice things and good sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
