ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
