hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
