I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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