i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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