a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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