mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
