ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
