Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
