I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
