you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
