all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
