A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she looked like the before picture.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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