dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
