I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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