i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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