YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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