Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
