Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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