Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
