am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
