I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
