Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
