The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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