the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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