yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
