Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
