i think my mom watched the whole time
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just blew my weed a kiss
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
