don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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