Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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