im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
