I wanna passion pit in your ass
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
