Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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