Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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