I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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