Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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