my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
