MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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