And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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