you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
