Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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