All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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