I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
