my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
