my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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