wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
