Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
