wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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