I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need a beard to bite.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
