Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
