Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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