I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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