you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
